Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
