My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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