anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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