I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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