i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
