So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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