and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
