i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
