my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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