I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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