The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
