Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
