We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
