he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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