its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
