I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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