I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
