I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
