I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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