You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
