Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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