I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont even know how to be here
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
