five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
