he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
