Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
