Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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