Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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