Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
