I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
