i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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