It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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