U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
