Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
