eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
