Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
