Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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