Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
