You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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