You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
