Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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