Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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