forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize