just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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