part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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