then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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