Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
