I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
