so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
