Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
