I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
