he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My feet surprised me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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