Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
