so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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