I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
