my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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