I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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