is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
a search helicopter?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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