im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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