I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
