and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
