Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
