No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize