Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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