Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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