I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
