one might say we're banned from that church
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize