just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
