I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
