i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
