I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
