hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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